You, you are freaking attractive. Your body is perfect. Your body is enough.
You. Are. Enough. Let that sink in.
We find ourselves looking for every reason why something is wrong with our body or why our body just isn’t good enough. I do it, and I know you do it too. Do you know what the problem is though? Sometimes we believe it. And we slowly begin to live from a place of inferiority telling ourselves lies about why our bodies aren’t good enough.
The problem in our society is that we allow other people to dictate what we should look like to be considered beautiful or handsome, and then we go and believe the nonsense.
In the last couple of weeks, I hosted Instagram stories about body image struggles people have. I was touched that the conversations we were having were actually helping people.
When running a poll, an overwhelming 85% of people said that they feel pressured to fit into the mold of what the world deems “attractive.”
The thing is, the world doesn’t know what they are talking about. Bear with me here. How often have we seen unnatural body trends leave to return years later? It is impossible to chase ever-changing trends and ideals.
Video producer and co-creator of this video at Buzzfeed, Eugene Lee Yang, said: "As demanding as our perception of an ideal body type may be, we should remember that yesterday's ideal will, without fail, evolve into something completely different tomorrow."
Pay attention to the end of the video where it says “women regularly get plastic surgery to attain this look.” Are you kidding me? So once this trend is over, we all just get plastic surgery again, and then again, and then again to fit all the other trends to come?
My point is we can’t allow the pressure to look a certain way to depict the way we live. If we do that, who are we living to please? Ourselves? Or some idea that will be traded in for a new one tomorrow?
Nobody will tell you this, but we all struggle with loving our bodies in some way or another. Yet, we are all too embarrassed about it so we don't talk about it. Because of this, we all get sucked into the lie that it's just us and we feel alone in the struggle.
Another thing, we often assume it’s just females with these struggles, but guys have struggles too. For guys, it may be something like feeling too skinny and not physically strong enough.
I can assure you not one person is left out of this because even if they are completely content with their body now, at some point they were not.
We have all sorts of social stigmas, that subconsciously force us to hurt ourselves in the process, be it physically (starving ourselves), mentally (talking negatively about ourselves), or emotionally (believing we will never be good enough), just to live up to some unnatural expectation.
Double Standards
We live by double standards every day. They say “cover-up.” Then, they say “show more.” If you’re "too" skinny, people will say “oh, you look so unhealthy, you should put on more weight.” If you have a little more weight, people say “oof, you should probably get rid of that.” READ: What They Think Doesn't Matter
People will always say. They will run their mouths because it makes them feel better about themselves because they are not happy with their own bodies. Don’t allow anybody, not even yourself, to make you feel bad about the beautiful body you have.
"Your body is not the problem. It's how you relate to it."
We take things like cellulite, which is natural and normal, and make it the enemy. Everyone gets caught up on this, but have you ever seen the little dimply butt of a baby - who by the way, has the most perfect skin at that time that they will ever have? Even they have cellulite. On babies, we find it cute, but on adults, we look at it as ugly. Why? Sure, you might not like it on you, and that’s okay. Do what you can and work that bad boy away, but do it for you.
Then, we have things like scars. Whether from accidents or surgeries, and we think of them as ugly. Let me tell you something: Scars are your proof that you came out on the other side of the battles you were fighting. As heartbreaking or disappointing as it may be to look at them, they are still part of what makes you and your story unique. You should be proud of yourself for what you’ve come through. Please don’t allow comparisons to other people make you feel ashamed of your scars.
Stretch marks. Oh my. Isn’t this a fun one. *Spoiler alert* Even skinny people have them. I relate mine to my years of classical ballet and stretching so much. Here’s a secret: I’ve never actually worn bikini bottoms because I don’t want my stretch marks to be seen.
But do you know who cares? Absolutely nobody. Everyone else is too focused on what they don’t like about their bodies to worry about the few lines on mine. It’s difficult to wrap my head around, but it doesn’t matter that they are there.
I was able to learn an incredible set of skills with them as my by-product. I gained stretch marks on my body and dark spots on my feet because I earned skills in dance performance.
Just like in my example of not wearing bikini bottoms, we allow the small things to strip us of our confidence when we have no need to waste even a single breath on it.
Interestingly, people tell me they wish they had my body, but they never consider that maybe I struggle with eating enough and that I’m probably not the healthiest because of it.
Realize that slender does not equal healthy. Stop comparing your healthy self to an unhealthy version of someone else, who you probably don’t even know.
We often say I just wish I looked like that. I hate to break it to you, but even if you looked like that, you would still find something you don’t like about it.
That’s simply what we do as humans. We look for flaws and we allow self-deprecating thoughts to take over our minds to the point where any iota of self-confidence we had before melts away.
And sometimes, just sometimes, we believe others when they make us feel inferior to them, intentionally - or not.
Here is what you need to remind yourself of:
1. There is no one perfect body type
The perfect body for you is what you would be proud to walk around in because you feel comfortable in it, not because you feel like you have to look a certain way.
2. Don’t compare your body to someone else’s
You know nothing about their health and body struggles. At the end of the day, no matter the body shape and size someone may have, there is always something they wish were different.
3. Skinny does not equal healthy
Never go for skinny. Go for healthy. Whatever that means for your natural body shape! It's not worth damaging your body in the process. You have a whole incredible life you need your body to last you for.
4. Don't let small things hold you back
“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.”
― Nora Ephron
5. Whatever you do, do it for you
Stop caring about what others are thinking. And focus on you. Just you and what you want. If there is something about your body you wish were different, by all means, do the work it takes, but please just make sure it’s for you, and not for the people who you think judge you.
Talking about uncomfortable things like this is necessary. It helps to realize we’re not alone. The beauty industry makes billions of dollars telling people they need to look a certain way.
If you were part on the Instagram conversations, I want to say thank you again. This struggle of having a having healthy body image is a real one. And you have no idea how helpful it was for people to see that it's not just them.
Your body is enough. Don't allow anyone else to make you feel any less so.
You are an absolute gem! Thanks for your support on this site. Please share this post if you found it helpful and don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already. Much love!
Broken to Beautiful. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power.