Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money for anything extra, and I never asked for much either - not in clothing stores, and not even in grocery stores. One thing I always had little of was clothing. Essentially, as long as I had one of something in my wardrobe, anything more was unnecessary. And as for the things I didn’t have, I learned to do without.
There is one day I remember with much detail. I was over at my friend’s house and her mom came home with two enormous bags of brand new clothing for her. It is a store known mostly for baby clothes. And children who don’t want to be called babies (I know you remember that stage) would be embarrassed because of that.
Here’s the deal though, here was this girl who had just gotten two love-filled bags of brand new clothing, yet, she couldn’t have mocked it enough. At 6 years old, I could not understand how ungrateful she could be. It made sense to me that she may have just been embarrassed because I saw the store it came from, but the question is why? Just because I would think she wasn't a 'big girl?' I wasn't either. We were only 6!
She so concerned about what I was going to think or say that she completely missed the joy that came from getting two huge bags of new clothing. Looking back, I have no doubt that she would have reacted differently if she had not had a friend over that day.
I could literally stop here and that might be enough for this post because of how much of a lesson this is within itself. However, keep going with me.
I bet you and I have acted similarly to the girl from my story before. How often do we allow society to decide for us the brands we buy or the trends we follow? And for what? To simply fit in and have what everybody else has?
It’s an utter waste of our breath!
In her book, Brene Brown writes:
Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere you really want to be, but they don’t care one way or the other.
Do you want to belong or are you okay with just fitting in with a bunch of people who are just trying to be like everybody else?
By all means, if you are someone who loves top brands, go for it, but ask yourself why? Where did it start? And even if you are not one for brand names, still ask yourself, what makes you follow some of the trends that you do?
Don’t allow society, or even your expectation of what people will think to determine what you must have to fit in, or even worse, what you must have to fit in so that you will be ‘happy.’
Instead of experiencing a full heart of gratitude and appreciating the fact that she just got something so great, my friend from the story completely missed the joy of it all. I’m sure her mother thought she was acting spoiled. However, it wasn't that she was spoiled, she was just scared of what I would think when in fact, I was thrilled about it.
She allowed what she thought I would think to steal her joy.
Herein lies the problem exactly: she had no idea that I didn’t have what she had. Essentially, she anticipated my "judgment" because she was insecure herself that the thought of me having a negative opinion was enough to make her feel embarrassed and act out.
Don’t go through life missing your joy because you’re so desperate for someone else's approval for what you have or what you do.
There’s so much more out there than just what’s trending. Stop focusing on keeping up with ever-changing trends and just enjoy the things you truly enjoy. And even if that’s top brands, just make sure that when you do it, you’re doing it for you, and not for some group of people struggling to fit in with each other or for a society that makes you feel like you have to.
I have to be like you to fit in. I get to be me if I belong.
- Brene Brown
You are a gem! Thank you once again for your support. Now, go about your business and live a life full of the things you actually love.
Broken to Beautiful. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power.