Let me tell you this: I don’t like help. I really don’t. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel vulnerable. And it makes me feel like I have to depend on someone, who very well might disappoint me.
And on that note of disappointment, something I learned recently is that I hold myself up to unrealistically high standards. I usually have enough grace for everyone else around me, but don't always have it for me. And while high standards are excellent, they don’t serve you if you can’t be gracious to yourself.
Here’s the thing, being strong is good, being independent, even better. Great, in fact, I love it. But, never at the expense of your health and happiness.
"It’s okay to ask for help.
And it’s okay to accept help also."
We are social beings by nature. And that means we were not meant to do life alone. Society makes us think that we have to be strong all the time and be independent and have our “stuff together.” Listen, nobody ever really has their stuff together, no matter how much social media makes it seem like it. We all have questions and we all have points of growth,
When it comes to asking for help, you need to do what is good for you. And it probably starts with talking.
I bottled up years of hurt from emotional abuse and confusion, and it did nothing but make me break even further every time something new was added. It got to the point where I felt so broken on the inside I could barely feel anything anymore.
What I began to do is block it out. Little did I know that you can only block out so much before you can’t anymore. Things began to change only once I started trying to find words to describe what I felt on the inside.
Talking is beyond important. And healing with the support of someone you trust is a gift not everyone has, so if you have it, cherish it.
So let’s talk about the importance of asking for help:
1. It does not make you weak, it makes you stronger
When you are able to start recognizing the ways you feel and begin to pay close attention to what triggers it, you gain immense mental and emotional power. Becoming aware of how you feel and asking yourself why you feel that way will help you to understand the emotions you may experience.
And when you talk through things with someone you trust, you will begin to learn about yourself faster than you ever could on your own because the back and forth of ideas from another perspective is what gets you there.
2. You gain clarity
My word, I can’t stress this one enough. Picture all the thoughts, worries, and fears in your head as a gigantic tangled ball of yarn. The only way to untangle it is to slowly and intentionally try to untangle each strand at a time.
As for emotions, only when you let it out does it become easier to see which strand should move where. Talking (and journaling) untangles all the chaos and helps you to make better sense of it. It may even look a little more simple once it's all laid out.
3. You probably can’t do it alone
Surprise surprise. Sometimes we just don’t have the capacity to deal with everything on our own. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re simply human.
Let’s take that ball of yarn again. Have you ever tried to completely untangle a ball of yarn? I’ve certainly attempted it in my day, but it gets exhausting, tiresome, and I definitely run out of patience. So what do you do if you are as impatient as me? What do you do with a ball of tangled yarn? You might try to untangle it at first, but eventually, you'll look for someone else who hasn't been looking at it for as long as you have. This couldn’t be more true when dealing with something as complicated as emotions and deep struggles.
You're not meant to struggle through it alone.
4. It breeds intimacy
Can you recall a deep and meaningful conversation you’ve had with someone before? First of all, being willing to share your fears and struggles with someone you trust says a lot about you. But sharing how you feel with someone builds your connection and develops your relationship more than many other things could.
It helps you to see that no matter how difficult what you’re dealing with is for you, the other person is probably completely willing to do all they can to help and make you feel loved and cared for. It’s a beautiful thing that comes from vulnerability.
Let me add this: If it feels like someone is fighting with you to take better care of yourself because you might not feel like you're in the place to even want to, they are just trying to help. It’s them trying to show you they are completely on your side and there to help you become better and healthy again.
5. Your burden will get lighter, and you’ll glow because of it
Maybe you’ve experienced a moment where you realized your breathing felt shallow and as if there was overwhelming tension welling up inside of you. Perhaps you literally had to tell yourself to relax and take a deep breath. I've definitely had moments like that before.
With all the pressure that comes from building up your emotions, you may even feel like the stress is turning you into someone you don’t recognize. Contrastingly, when you feel the lightest, you will feel the happiest, and it will show.
I know you may not be the type to ask for help or to accept help even when it’s on a silver platter, but know this: It’s good for you. And it’s important.
You’ll grow so much faster if you stop trying to do it on your own. You already know that you are strong and chances are the people around you do too. You don't have to prove anything, and you don't even have to feel shy to say you're scared.
Who you are in someone's eyes won't change just because maybe you need a little extra care for a while. Just take the help. It will be uncomfortable, but in the end, you won't regret it.
Who knows, by opening up, you may even come to realize that you are not alone and it’s not just you feeling so heavy.
By the way, there is no shame in therapy, seriously. Take a look at this.
Thank you so much for reading this post. I truly value the time you took to do it. I know we’re all just trying to do our best, but please don’t try to do it alone. You’re completely capable of living your most fulfilling life, it might just take some time and intentionality.
You can do it. Much love.
Broken to Beautiful. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power.