I have always been a type-A person, but not too type-A, you know, just enough to want to try to control everything around me.
Perhaps it stems from feeling the need to protect myself because my dad wasn’t there to do it. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been hurt by people who were supposed to love me, and just desperately want to prevent that from happening again.
I sit here with tears welling up in my eyes because it might be that I don’t want to feel any more broken than I already do. It’s stabbing, you know; that feeling of being “too broken.” Feeling as though you can’t be fixed.
There was one day a well-meaning therapist with poor diction made me feel this way even more. Needless to say, I never returned, but I did quickly find another. Anyway, that is an entirely different story.
Whether we admit it or not, we are all broken people despite what our forced smiles show on the outside. This is simply because we live in a broken world. And if you feel like you’re a little broken or you feel like you are so broken, you can never be fixed, remember that’s not true. You can always heal, and your scars will be incredibly beautiful and telling of your strength.
Unfortunately, getting hurt is not something that can be controlled. Limited, maybe, but controlled? No. Getting hurt just happens to be part of life, but so is healing.
The more we try to control the variables around us, the more stressful life becomes, the more anxious we get, and the more broken we feel after something happens that we tried so hard to prevent.
While it may not seem like it in this post, I really do have a positive outlook on life, but I also look at things from practical angles because I know it will spare me emotional turmoil.
Things happen, and our attempt at making it all work out perfectly is a heavy load to carry.
So how do you release the need to control everything?
1. Realize things happen for a reason, whether good or bad. We may not see the full picture now because we cannot see into the future, but usually, when you look back after a time, things seem to make more sense. I talk about this here.
2. Live in the moment. Buddha said, “the secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
That’s not to say don’t plan... Please do, but it's to say plan, but don’t agonize over something not happening the way you think it’s supposed to. Everything will work out even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Whether you believe in faith in God or the law of attraction, this next part still applies. I read a caption on Instagram that talked about how we pray for X so that Y will happen. It asked what if instead, we just trusted in the immeasurable power of God?
God does not just operate in the tiny box we are limited to. He sees the beginning from the end. With that being said, the question was raised: “do we actually trust God when we force our expectations onto our prayers?.” Or in the case of the law of attraction, do we actually trust that we know the absolute best things to attract? You can answer this one yourself.
As for me, I am still learning to live in the moment rather than agonizing over trying to make everything line up the way I want it to or think it should. I’m actually pretty terrible at not worrying about tomorrow, but I’m trying and being gracious with myself along the way.
You may be just like me and struggle with living day by day. If you are, try setting aside a day where you challenge yourself to live in each moment for that day, not worrying about what is or is not to come. See how that goes, and consider being intentional with more days like that. Learning takes time; doing, even more.
There is no such thing as being too broken and it's okay to not always be okay.
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Broken to Beautiful. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power.