You may wonder why a post like this would find itself on this site. The reason is that to know what you want in someone starts with knowing yourself, doing self-discovery, and probably some growth too.
If you trace back some of the things you’ve gone through and looked at how they contributed to who you are today, you’ll more likely than not find correlations. In doing so, you may better understand why certain things are so important to you when it comes to who you will spend your life with.
Let's start broad, shall we? Think of the type of lifestyle you want to live. Is being able to travel multiple times a year important to you? Is a big family important? How do you want to feel when you walk into your home? How do you want to be treated by your partner?
Whether you date for purpose, or just for fun, at some point, this will become relevant to you, so I present to you the importance of having a list of what you want in someone and where to start with it.
1. It helps get your priorities in order
Going through the process of making a list helps you to see what’s important to you. This way, you can easily recognize a no from a potential yes. It also allows you to see where your priorities lie and keeps that at the forefront of your mind. This is especially valuable when you start seriously considering someone.
2. Helps avoid regret
Have you heard the saying: If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for everything? Well, surprise... It’s true.
Once your priorities are in order, you’ll gain a clear vision of what you’re looking for so that you don't get side-tracked and end up getting more hurt than you have to. On the other hand, if you don’t have that clear vision, you may very easily fall for whatever you see and forget about the big picture of what you want and deserve.
3. You’ll save time and energy... Lot's of it
You’ve probably already experienced the energy that goes into building a healthy and successful relationship to know that it takes a lot. Don’t waste your time or someone else’s. Knowing what you are willing to put up with and what you are not will save you a lot of time and turmoil.
Of course, you could say that no relationship is ever wasted and you will always be able to take lessons from it. And yes, by all means, time spent getting to know someone is always a gift. But do you really want to just get into just any relationship on a whim, or worse, find yourself just falling into any random one?
Choosing someone based on what you actually want versus what you allow yourself to just go with could save you a lot of heartache and time.
4. It prevents you from settling
This might be my favorite reason yet. You have to realize that you are precious and settling is no option. If you don’t know what you want, you will probably end up settling for what you think you can get or what you think you want. Having a list helps keep you in check and on the lookout for what you don’t want.
5. It brings clarity in times of confusion
It can be easy to get caught up in a relationship you desperately want to make work but that might not be meant for you. In those times, having something to go back to as a reminder of what’s most important to you, will give you clarity especially when you feel like you just don’t know.
HOW to write your list
1. Start with your non-negotiables
This is what you will never compromise on. It's typically part of your core values and will be different for everyone. You have to know what is a must for you before you look at the fluffy things.
2. Write down at least 5 other things you what as part of their character
This comes down to what makes you feel loved, cared for, and protected. Consider character traits that meet these things for you.
3. Write down what your ideal partner looks like
Let's move to the physical side. What does your ideal partner look like? What do you find most attractive? Write down a few things that capture that.
Things to remember:
1. No person is perfect
This is including you and me, so don’t be surprised when you find that out about your person later.
2. Be willing to compromise
You probably won’t find the absolute spitting image of what’s on your list so realize that some things you may have to go without, but that’s where those non-negotiables come in. You must know what you’re willing to compromise and what not.
4. Things change from season to season
Keep in mind that you may have to be flexible sometimes. You can't expect every season to match what you want perfectly, life can sometimes get in the way of that, and you'll need patience for it.
5. You attract what you are
Who you are is the type of person you will attract. If you want to be treated well, you have to treat others well. If you want to find someone who is successful, then you, my gem, will have to work to get to that same level. Be the person you would want to be with.
Check out this post: So You Want to be More Attractive?
6. Chemistry Vs. Compatibility
Chemistry is easier to come by than compatibility. Just because you are attracted to someone and you think you are a great match isn't everything.
While chemistry is important, compatibility in the real world holds more value. How does your partner or future partner think? Does it complement the way you think? Is it all airy or still functional? Do they follow through on what they say or do their words just sound nice?
Chemistry is usually that romantic connection you have with someone but romantic compatibility is wanting the same things in life, complementing each other in all sorts of ways, and making the other better while still having a romantic connection.
"Be Patient... even with a list"
Relationships along with the heartbreaks they sometimes bring are tough, but they all come with lessons and memories. Eventually, one day you’ll look back and realize all the tears you cried over the people you walked away from were well worth it. It will be telling of your journey to your incredible spouse... so long as you choose wisely.
Get to know yourself a little more: HERE
Know what you want and stick to it. One day you'll look back and be thankful you did.
If you enjoyed this post, please share it, or feel free to contact me if you have any ideas for another topic. I wish you well on this journey. And you know what, I challenge you to say a prayer over that list if you're up for it. You're a gem.
Broken to Beautiful. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power