Every human being has an innate craving to be known, to be loved, and to feel they matter.
As we move into what’s often referred to as “love month,” it’s appropriate to talk about these things because it’s not only romantic relationships where this matters but also in our friendships and even our relationship with ourselves and God.
Let's get into it
Codependency is an excessive emotional or psychological dependence on someone else. In other words, it's constantly needing someone else to make you feel secure, as one example.
While there are times when we need extra TLC from the people we love, they are not responsible for fulfilling our deepest desires. In fact, they are quite incapable of doing so.
People will always fail, so expecting them to fulfill what we can’t even fulfill on our own is unreasonable.
Remember, codependency is not an option.
1. The desire to be known
The desire to be known goes far beyond superficial connections. It doesn’t matter what the weather is like today. And it’s even more than knowing what things the people around us like.
Rather, it’s about knowing the way they think and understanding why they think the way they do. It’s about paying attention to what makes them feel triggered and being sensitive to that. It’s about actually knowing someone.
The key is to get to know yourself first. You can’t expect others to understand you if can barely understand yourself.
Any relationship where partners, friends, or family members are intentional about actually learning about each other will automatically be a more healthy and successful relationship.
The point is before looking for someone to know you deeply, get to know yourself. And understand that before you were even a thought in your parents’ minds, God already knew exactly who you would be, and with all your flaws and quirks, chose to love you.
2. The desire to be loved
This brings me to the next point, love yourself. Don’t obsess over yourself, but sure as heck, love yourself. You are unique, and without any of the things that make you you, you wouldn’t be you, so learn to embrace even what you don’t like as much.
There is enough hate in this world, don’t add any, especially not about yourself.
When you develop a healthy sense of self-love and self-efficacy, you won’t need to look for someone on this earth to tell you that you are loved, because you’ll know it, and more than that, you will believe it.
3. The desire to feel you matter
You matter!
And if me telling you that doesn’t help, know that the chances of you being born to the parents that you were and with the genetic makeup that you have, is 1 in 400 000, 000, 000, 000. That’s 1 in 400 trillion. And it's virtually impossible, yet here you are. Seriously, look it up.
My point is, you are no mistake.
You didn’t just show up, but you were destined to live. You absolutely, and undoubtedly matter. Realize that you matter. And if you don’t believe it, tell yourself so until you do.
At the end of the day
If you don’t have these three things checked off, you will always feel out-of-place, that you don’t belong, or as though something is missing. Feeling known, loved, and that you matter starts with how you relate to yourself. Fill your own cup with God, don’t wait for someone else to do it. They won't be able to.
Remember, you are known, you are loved, and you matter.
Thank you for reading this post. I encourage you to share it with someone if you found it helpful. If you haven't check this out before, here is a Free 31 Day Guide to Self-Discovery. You're a gem, Happy Love Month!
Broken to Beautiful You. Where Your Pain Becomes Your Power.